Surprise Party
by JoeMerl
Summary: Oh crap! Duncan forgot Leshawna's birthday, and she is NOT pleased! But maybe his friends can help him make it up to her. Or not. Main Pairing: Duncan/Leshawna. A birthday gift for Winter-Rae.
1. Fights and Phone Calls

**Surprise Party**

**Summary: **Oh crap! Duncan forgot Leshawna's birthday, and she is NOT pleased! But maybe his friends can help him make it up to her. Or not.

**Pairings: **Main: Duncan/Leshawna. I'll leave the side pairings open for you to discover.

**Rating: **T for adult humor, cursing, that sort of thing.

**Continuity:** Post-_Total Drama _and likely AU, given the couples.

**Author's Notes: **Okay, this isn't the Ezekiel/Bridgette story I _said _I would be publishing next, but that story is going to be long and has proven difficult to write, and when I noticed on Winter-Rae's profile that her birthday was coming up I just had to whip up a little something as a present to her. So, if you're reading, Winter (and you better be, damn it!), happy b-day! Hope this is just one of many cool perks you've gotten today. (At the very least I know I'm not the only one to write you a story.) Anyway, onto the fic!

* * *

Duncan was not a morning person.

He sat, half-slumped over the kitchen table, eyes half-closed, half-awake, and only half-…something. Possibly. It was too hard to think this early in the morning. He could only…half-think…

_Zzzzz…_

Duncan's eyes snapped open again. "Ugh…coffee…"

With Herculean effort, Duncan managed to climb to his feet and drag himself across the kitchen to the coffee-maker. Now he just needed that…stuff you put in it…

As he began searching, he heard a sudden musical sound from the back of the apartment. He froze. Oh crap; he wasn't having another one of those _Total Drama Musical_ flashbacks again, was he? He didn't want to have to go back to that damned therapist…

The sound, however, was actually coming from his wife Leshawna. She glided into the kitchen, already dressed for work, hair slightly damp from the shower, humming joyously to herself.

"Good morning, my loving husband!" Leshawna practically sang, her face a bright, radiant smile that lit up the entire room.

Ugh. _Happy_ people. The worst thing Duncan could think of having to deal with in this kind of state.

"Where's the coffee?" he mumbled simply, opening the cabinets and digging through.

Leshawna froze, blinking at him. "...What?"

"Where's the…whatchacallit, coffee?" Duncan grumbled, knocking several things out of the cabinets in his search. "I can't find any damn coffee!"

Leshawna stared at him. Duncan, usually oblivious to such signs even in more conscious states, took no notice.

Leshawna pulled a chair out from the table and sat down, staring at her husband pointedly. This could just be a joke---or this could be totally legit. Knowing Duncan, either choice seemed equally likely. Maybe this was some sort of clever ruse, and he was about to spin around with a diamond necklace clever hidden inside one of the cabinets…

He did not. Instead he just spun around and started looking through another cabinet, growling under his breath.

"Uh…don't you have something to say to me, Baby Boy?"

"Other than 'where's the damn coffee?' Not that I can think of. Damn it!" He slammed the cabinet door angrily. "I cannot get through this day if I don't have some fucking coffee!"

"You ain't gonna get through this morning if you don't change that attitude of yours," Leshawna grumbled, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

Duncan moved on to yet another cabinet. Leshawna decided to try another tactic.

"Duncan honey?" she said, trying (with mild success) to keep the rising anger out of her voice. "What day is it today?"

"Ugh, I don't know---Friday? Thank God…"

"I meant the date."

"Uh, I don't know…the fifteenth?"

"_Seven_teenth!"

"Well, if you already know why are you asking?! Jeez…"

Leshawna ground her teeth; Duncan remained oblivious. "Wasn't there something _important_ about the seventeenth, _dear?_" Leshawna growled, teeth and lips barely moving.

"Look, Shawnie, I just got up, I can't be expected to remember every stupid little…oh, what's this?!" He snatched something off the fridge door so fast the magnet holding it up clattered on the linoleum. "Is this---this is the grocery list?! Oh, damn it, Leshawna---no wonder I can't find any damn coffee! You forgot to go shopping, didn't you?!"

If Duncan had been a smarter man---or at least a more empathic one---he might have noticed the way his wife's crossed arms knotted themselves even tighter, saw the way her eyes narrowed or heard the sound of her teeth grinding, which at the moment was so loud that several of their neighbors snapped awake from deep slumbers. However, Duncan being Duncan, he did not notice these signs of the grave he was digging for himself, and so decided to pick up a shovel and dig it even deeper.

"I mean, damn it, Leshawna, I _told_ you you needed to stop by the store yesterday! Now we're not going to have anything to eat in the house!" He growled in annoyance, unconsciously crumpling up the list in his hands. "How could you be so forgetful?!"

And _snap! _went the sound of the camel's back.

"Oh, you wanna talk about forgetful?!" Leshawna suddenly cried, jumping to her feet and throwing up her hands. "Like you don't ever forget anything?!"

"Like what?!"

"Oh, nothing _important._ Least not to you, I'm sure!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Forget it!"

"No! Don't you just go all psycho on me and not tell me what you're talking about!"

"Well, if you have to ask, I don't want to tell you!"

"Well, what's the logic in that?! I mean, there'd be no point in telling me if I _didn't_ have to ask!"

"Just forget it!"

"Forget what?!"

"It!"

"You're not making any sense!"

"Oh, damn it all---! I'm goin' to work!"

"Well, what about breakfast?!"

"I'll get something on the way, asshole!"

With that she turned and stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed her briefcase and slammed the door behind her as she left the apartment.

Duncan gaped after her for a moment, then threw his hands in the air. "_Women!_" he screamed. "I swear, if I wanted someone that hysterical I would have stayed together with Courtney…"

The phone rang. Still grumbling, Duncan stormed into the kitchen and snatched it up so fast he nearly tore it from the wall.

"HELLO?!"

"Agh! Jeez, no need to yell right in my ear, man! _GAWSH!_"

Duncan growled. "Harold, I just woke up, I'm in a bad mood and I haven't had my coffee. Please tell me what you want _QUICK_ before I kill you through the phone."

"Okay, _gawsh. _Gwen and I just wanted to call and wish Leshawna a happy birthday."

"Well, you can't. She's already left for work."

"Oh, really? Dang." Then he called over his shoulder, "Gwen! We missed her."

"Oh really?" came Gwen's disappointed voice in the background.

"Yeah, and she was being a real _bitch _this morning," Duncan muttered. "Kept going on about me forgetting…some…" Something finally clicked in his sleep-deprived brain. "Wait, calling to wish Leshawna a _what?_"

"Uh…'happy birthday?'"

"…Oh crap."

"_Duncan!_"

"What?!"

"How could you _do_ that?"

"What's going on? …Oh, crap, he forgot her birthday, didn't he?"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"…Okay, yeah, I did. But it's not my fault! I mean, since when is her birthday in _April?!_"

"Uh, I think it's been for a _while,_ man!"

"No it hasn't! Didn't it use to be in June?!"

"_Courtney's_ birthday is in June!"

Duncan raised his unibrow. "How do _you _know Courtney's birthday?"

"I keep up with people! How do you _not _know your _wife's_ birthday?!"

"Well I---uh---aw, damn it! No wonder she was so pissed off…"

"Well, _yeah!_ I mean, how could you man?!"

"Tell Duncan he's an idiot!"

"_Idiot!_"

"Alright!" Duncan snapped, growing impatient. "I get it! I messed up." He grimaced. "Now how do I fix it?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Well, help me figure something out!"

Harold paused, then, slightly muffled as he turned away from the phone, "Hey, Gwen! If I ever forgot you're birthday, what you make you forgive me?"

"Very expensive jewelry for me or a very cheap funeral for you."

"Hmm…how big of a coffin do you think Leshawna'd need to fit Duncan in? You know, if she really just squashed him in there?"

"Oh, not very big. I mean, if she dismembers the body _first---_"

"Okay, you would not _believe_ how much I'm not loving this conversation!"

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, man. You messed up pretty big here."

"Yeah…damn it, I didn't even get her a present or anything!" Pause. "…Though this does explain why she kept bringing up that black dress she wanted…"

"I mean, really," Gwen called in the background, "why did he think Leshawna kept bringing up that black dress---"

"He just got that, yeah."

"You know, if you two are going to be so clever, do it in a way that actually _helps_ me, will you?!"

"Well, if she's already realized that you forgot her birthday, I'm not sure if there's anything you can do, man. Sounds like you're in pretty deep."

"Yeah," Duncan said wearily, shoulders dropping. Then a thought occurred to him. "Although…"

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

"Duncan's using his 'idea' voice."

"Oh crap."

"…maybe I _didn't_ forget her birthday at all. Maybe I just _pretended_ to forget so that I could surprise her."

"Surprise her with what?"

"Her surprise party!"

"There's a surprise party?"

"There is now. Harold, I need you and Gwen's help."

"Just a second. Gwen!"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna help Duncan with some harebrained scheme to keep Leshawna from getting mad at him that'll probably fail and blow up in our collective face?"

Gwen sighed. "I'll see if I can get my mom to babysit…"

* * *

"Carla, come on…"

"You've taken too many days off already, Mr. Stone. I've been specifically told not to take any more of your excuses."

Duncan groaned into the phone. "But it's an emergency!"

"What kind of emergency?"

"My---mother died."

"Oh." Carla's voice softened. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Stone. This must be a very hard time for you."

"Well…yeah," Duncan said, putting on his most mournful tone. He even managed to make his voice crack a little. Damn he was a good actor.

"Yes…especially so soon after the last tragedy."

"Huh?"

"When she died two months ago, just after Valentine's Day?"

"…Um…"

"I mean, this must be simply tragic for you and your family. First she dies, and of course that was very hard, but then she came _back,_ and so of course you all must have gotten your hopes all up, only to have them dashed _again---_"

"Alright, alright! Jeez. But I _really_ need to take today off, Carla! My marriage is on the line."

"That's what you said the _last_ time your mother died, Mr. Stone. No offense, but your marriage seems to be even less healthy than she is."

"Oh, come on! I promise to cover for you whenever _your _marriage is in trouble."

"I'm not married."

"No wonder, given your attitude…"

"What was that, Mr. Stone?"

"Nothing!"

Carla sighed. "Alright, Mr. Stone. I'll cover for you. _Again._"

"Thanks, Carla. You're a doll."

"Yes, yes. Oh, by the way, please remember that next Wednesday is Administrative Professionals' Day. Just a thought."

"Yeah, yeah…"

Duncan hung up. Okay, that was one problem solved; he had time to plan this stupid party now. But he was going to need more help.

He grabbed his address book from the table and dialed.

__

Riiing…riiing…

Click.

"Hello, this is---"

"Yeah, hey Bridge. It's Duncan. I need your help."

* * *

_Riiiing. Riiiing._

The phone was already ringing when Ezekiel walked in the door. Throwing his briefcase down with one hand and loosening his tie with the other, he headed for the table.

His wife heard the door, though.

"Oooh! Zeke! Could you come in here for a minute?!"

"Joost a second, honey!"

"But---"

Ezekiel had already picked up the phone, however, and didn't hear the rest of his wife's reply. "Helloo?"

"Zeke! Damn it, I've been calling you all day! Why didn't you answer?!"

"Um…I was at woork?"

"Ugh! Damn it, why is everybody too busy at work to _help me_ today?!"

"Be…cause?" Ezekiel was trying hard to see if this was a trick question. "I mean, it's only too oo'clock---I oonly had a few classes today---"

"Yeah, whatever, man. I need your help, man."

"With what?"

"ZEKE!"

"Just a second, dear!" Ezekiel said, covering up the receiver with one hand.

"But I have something to _show you!_"

"I'll be right there!" Then, to Duncan, "Soory. What's the problem?"

He sighed. "It's Leshawna. See…"

Duncan explained the situation. Ezekiel listened patiently, nodding to himself without remembering that Duncan couldn't see it.

"…and so I really need you to come over and help. You're good with food, right? You can cook?"

"Uh, yeah." Ezekiel worked at a culinary school.

"Great. I need you to make---something. Anything! Something Leshawna would like. Could you just---drive into town for me and whip something up? We don't have anything here to eat, just---I don't know, stop on the store on your way, I guess. I'll pay you back for whatever you buy, I just _really_ need help."

"Well…ookay, I guess," Ezekiel said. "It'll take me a while to get there, thoo. I doon't know if I'll have time to get down there _and_ make anything decent befoore Leshawna."

"Don't worry, you should have time. I have Leshawna taken care of," Duncan said. "Just hurry up and get down here."

"Ookay. I---"

"ZEKE!"

"Be right there, honey! Goodbye, Duncan."

"Yeah, yeah, bye."

Duncan hung up. Ezekiel hung up the phone and headed for the bedroom.

"Honey? That was Duncan. We have to run oover to see them, there's a surprise party and---whoo."

Ezekiel froze in the threshold of the bedroom. The lights were off and the curtains drawn, but dozens of candles had been set up all around the room, casting a dim glow. Izzy was lying on the bed, dressed in...well, not a lot, actually. She had also sprinkled what looked like flower pedals all over the floor and bed.

Ezekiel's eyes widened. Izzy looked up, grinning like a tiger.

"Why _hello_ there, honey."

"Um…h-hi, dear."

"It's Friday."

"Um...yes. Yes it is."

"Do you know what I _love_ about Fridays? It means two whole days ahead where just get to unwind and enjoy ourselves. Hey, do you know what I find a _great_ way to enjoy ourselves is?"

"Well...um, uh..."

Ooh, Zekey was in stuttering mode. Izzy _loved _Zekey in stuttering mode, when he was all nervous and his accent became even more pronounced and silly. She leaned over, resting her chin in her hand.

"What's the matter, Zekey-poo? Don't you like my little surprise here?"

"Um…uh…" Zeke looked away, clearing his throat. "Y-Yes, but, um---w-we kind of have too goo oot toonight."

Izzy frowned. Not a real frown, mind you, but one of her playful fun-frowns. "Oh, really?"

"Y-Yeah. See, um…that was Duncan on the phoone…"

"Yeah?"

"And he, um---he foorgot Leshawna's birthday---"

"_Yeah?_" Izzy climbed slowly off the bed.

"And he, um---he's th-throoing her a soorprise party, yoo knoo, too make up foor it…"

"Mm-hmm..." She took a step forward him.

"And, uh---he wants us too coome, and, uh, too get soome food and---and cook and stuff…"

"Mm-hmm…" She was right in front of him now.

"And---we kind of need too hoorry, because, yoo knoo, i---it's an 'oor drive intoo town, and---we doon't have a lot of time, yoo knoo, too pick up grooceries and too cook and---"

At this point Izzy reached forward, grabbed her stuttering husband by the front of his shirt, and pulled him into a kiss. They parted after a moment, Izzy grinning wickedly and Ezekiel's face bright pink.

He gulped, tapping his fingers together nervously. There was a pause. "I guess---I guess we have a _little _time befoore we hafta goo…"

Izzy chuckled wickedly before pulling him towards her once again.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, at least we know _one_ of the TDI couples has a healthy marriage, eh? ;-) I was a bit unsure of whether to use that dismemberment joke, though...it was inspired by an actual news story I read. 8-\ Anyway, so, this is chapter one of three...I have the next chapter written, but I am _so_ amazingly busy right now that I don't know when I'll have time to edit and post it...it might not be 'til next Friday or Saturday, but I'll _try_ to get it up earlier. Until then, please review! :-)


	2. Love and Locked Doors

**A/N:** Okay, I've written _four_ papers since Monday---three basically from scratch---and to celebrate turning in the last one of the semester (and to make up for the fact that I noticed my hit count was really low today), here's Chapter Two of "Surprise Party." Hope you enjoy!

(P.S.: For those not familiar with Jasmine, look up Leshawna's "Message from Home" on Youtube.)

* * *

"_Whoo!_ Thought five o'clock would never come…"

"TGIF!"

"Hope the rest of your birthday gets better, Leshawna…"

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled, gathering up her things as her co-workers walked past her desk and out the door. Damn it, she thought, it's _my_birthday, I should be the happy one here. But instead all she had to look forward to was getting back to that lazy-assed, no-good husband of hers…which of course would just lead to another fight…

Leshawna was just preparing with her mental list of everything Duncan had ever done wrong---starting with a few things she knew solely from his mother's baby stories---when a raspy voice asked, "Hey, why the long face, beautiful?"

Leshawna looked up from her briefcase, eyes wide. "Harold! Gwen! What the heck are you guys doin' here?"

"We just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy birthday!" Gwen said as she and Leshawna exchanged a hug. "How are you doing?"

Leshawna scoffed. "_Hmph. _Not very well."

"Uh-oh. Let me guess," Harold said. "This has something to do with _Duncan._"

"Uncaring asshole completely forgot my birthday!" Leshawna exploded, throwing up her hands. "The inconsiderate little---when I get home, I swear I---"

"Whoa, calm down," Gwen said, holding up her hands. "No need to go all psycho on us."

"Tell you what," Harold said, suddenly throwing his arm around Leshawna's shoulder and leading her away from her desk, Gwen walking beside them. "Why not let Gwen and I cheer you up a little before you head home?"

"What? Oh, I don't know---"

"Oh, come on. We insist," Gwen said, putting a hand on her back. "Real quick. We'll just…go get a drink or something."

"I'm a mean drunk."

"Ridiculously fattening desserts it is, then!"

* * *

_Knock knock._ "Hello?" Cody entered the apartment, frowning. "Duncan?! You here, man? Your door was unlocked, and---"

_BANG BANG BANG!_

"Agh!" Cody jumped. "Whoozair?"

"Cody!"

Cody followed the source of the noise into the hallway. "Duncan? Where are you, dude?!"

"In the stupid bathroom! I forgot the stupid door doesn't open from the inside, could you---"

"Er, sure."

Cody opened the door---Duncan tumbled out, nearly falling on top of him. Then he sighed, grimacing.

"Finally---I must've been in there for almost twenty minutes---and that's after it needed a good airing out," he added dryly. He looked around. "Are you the only one here?"

"Uh, yeah. I _guess_ I'm the first to arrive."

"Dang it!" Duncan checked his watch. "Izzy and Ezekiel are supposed to _be_ here by now! And neither of them ever carry around cell phones---damn it!"

"Dude, calm down. I'm sure they'll be here soon."

Duncan growled, then stalked past him towards the kitchen. "I need to call Bridgette and Tyler…"

* * *

"Okay, where are you guys?! Are you almost done?!"

"Relax," Bridgette said, shifting the cell phone balanced between her head and shoulder as she reached to grab a bag of chips. "We're at the store now. We should have everything and be there in about half an hour."

"Alright, cool," Duncan said, still sounding supremely worried. "Just hurry up!"

The connection broke. Bridgette took the phone and glared at it for a moment. "Jeez. Ever hear of 'goodbye?'"

"Ah, don't worry about him, babe," Tyler said, grabbing a container of dip and throwing it into the shopping cart. "Man's just stressed the missus is gonna kill him. He'll calm down once we get this party going."

"Still." Bridgette put the phone into the pocket of her jacket and pushed the cart into the next aisle. "Okay, so we have potato chips, dip, tortilla chips, salsa, frozen chicken wings…what else makes good party food?"

"Ooh! Wienies on a stick!"

Bridgette rolled her eyes. "Classy." She looked down for a moment, then stopped. "Oh, just a sec. Shoelace untied."

She bent down for a moment; Tyler waited, scanning the rows of food around them for something good. What did Leshawna like, anyway?

"Okay, and there we g---_agh!_"

"_Agh!_"

As Bridgette stood, she accidentally brought her arm around and hit Tyler in the side, causing him to stumble back and bang into the shopping cart. It, in turn, went flying down the aisle, just as a store employee was standing back to admire the hour's work he had done putting together a large pyramid made of jars of pasta sauce.

Grinning to himself, he turned around---instantly his eyes went wide in horror---

_SMASH!_

"_Agh!_"

Tyler and Bridgette both averted their eyes, then looked again when the glass had stopped tinkling. Tyler turned pale.

"…How much cash do we have on us, Bridge?"

* * *

Duncan hung up the phone. "Okay," he said, taking several deep breaths, "I have Tyler and Bridgette getting snacks, Gwen and Harold running interference, Ezekiel coming over with Izzy to cook, not that I have any idea where they _ARE!_, but still, things might just work out---oh, damn it, Cody, don't you have that stupid CD player working yet?!"

"Give me a minute!" he exclaimed, throwing up his tool-filled hands. "This is a delicate operation! I need a little time here to---_agh!_"

A jolt of electricity shot up the screwdriver and momentarily illuminated him in crackling blue light; a moment later it stopped, and Cody sat there, hair standing up and smoking slightly. "Okay…that was the wrong wire," he said hoarsely, before pounding on his chest a few times and coughing up a bit of smoke.

There was a knock on the door; Duncan jumped and rushed to answer it. "Ah! Jasmine! Damn it, get in here!" She let out a cry as Duncan grabbed her arm and pulled her into the apartment.

"Whoa! Calm down, boy," she said, smoothing out her clothes. She looked around. "Leshawna ain't here yet, is she?"

"No. Okay, so, you're here, and---weren't you going to bring that stupid boyfriend of yours?"

Jasmine scoffed, crossing her arms. "Leroy? _Pfft._ That two-timing lowlife and I broke up a few days ago."

"Oh, good," Duncan muttered absentmindedly. "Leshawna hated him. So, um…I don't know, start---blowing up balloons or something."

"Okay, sure." She went to sit in the chair beside Cody and started to pick up the party things from the coffee table.

"_Yaaah!_" Another blast of electricity jolted Cody's body, stunning him. Jasmine raised an eyebrow. "You okay?"

Cody nodded, still smoking slightly. "Yeah, fine," he wheezed. He cleared his throat and extended his hand (sending off a small spark of electricity as he did so). "I don't think we've met, by the way. I'm Cody."

"Jasmine," she said, shaking his hand. "Hey, you were the cute one on those _Total Drama_ shows, weren't you?"

"Yes, I---wait, did you say 'cute one?'"

"_Guys!_" Duncan stopped pacing and clapped his hands together loudly, causing them both to jump. "FOCUS! We don't have long before Leshawna gets home!"

"Where is Shawnie, anyway?" Jasmine asked, picking up a balloon and beginning to inflate it.

Duncan waved his hand impatiently. "I have Gwen and Harold distracting her. What I _don't_ have is my stupid cook!"

"Ya know, that's not really the best way to ask for my Zekey-poo's help," Izzy said, suddenly bursting through the half-opened door and causing everybody to jump again. Ezekiel followed calmly in after her, bags of groceries hanging from his arms.

"Ugh, _finally!_ You guys were supposed to be here an hour ago!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Something very important came up," Izzy said, nodding and sounding uncharacteristically serious. Ezekiel blushed.

"Well---whatever! Just get to work in the kitchen!" Duncan cried, waving his arms.

Ezekiel snapped his heels together. "_Jawohl, mein Führer,_" he muttered, walking past him with his load. Then, a bit more pleasantly, "Does Leshawna like chicken?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Duncan said, obviously too stressed to be really paying very close attention. "Just no pineapple, she's allergic. You two!" he cried, suddenly pointing at Izzy and Jasmine. "_Work!_"

Izzy saluted. "Yes sir, Sergeant Duncan!" Then she grabbed a balloon off the table and inflated it with one huge breath, causing it to explode in her hands. She let out a cry, then a moment later, covered her mouth and giggled insanely.

* * *

"Okay, two vanilla scoops and one…whoo boy that's a lot of ice cream," the waitress said, shaking her head. "Good luck finishin' that one, sweetheart."

She walked away, chuckling to herself. Leshawna attacked her enormous sundae, stabbing it violently before shoving it into her mouth with vengeance in her eyes. None of this, however, did much to slow down her ranting.

"I mean---can you _believe _that little" slurp chew "no-good" swallow "wannabe-badass asshole? I go" bite "outta my way every time" swallow "he has any little occasion" bite chew "and he can't even remember one little" swallow "day of the year? The nerve a' that boy!"

Harold and Gwen gave each other a fearful look. So far, the whole "cheer Leshawna up" part of their plan had been a resounding failure. Gwen cleared her throat and leaned across the table. "Leshawna?"

"_WHAT?!_" she demanded, ice cream dribbling down her chin.

"Don't you think you're taking this a little hard? I mean, Duncan's not all _that_ bad."

"Yes he is," Harold said, sounding almost confused by Gwen's comment. She elbowed him hard in the ribs. "Agh, _gawsh!_ I mean, um…Gwen's right, Leshawna. Everybody makes mistakes."

Leshawna scoffed. "Seems like that boy don't make anything _but_ mistakes. Marryin' him, that was _my_ mistake. I could've married Justin, you know!"

Harold chuckled, leaning over to Gwen. "Sadie still uses that one every time she and Trent get into a fight."

"What was that, boy?!"

"Nothing!" Harold said quickly, throwing up his hands and cowering behind his wife.

Leshawna snorted, bull-like, and bent back over her ice cream like a lion protecting its prey from scavengers. Gwen swallowed nervously. "But come on. Just try to think about all the good things about Duncan. He does a lot of good stuff too."

"Yeah, but only after he's messed up."

Leshawna stopped eating and brooded for a long moment. "You know what really bugs me?" she finally asked. "He just doesn't care. I don't ask for much. All I ask is that he remembers my birthday, Valentine's Day, our anniversary---a few lousy days a year. And he can't even do that." She stabbed at her ice cream again miserably. "Lousy little jerk."

Gwen and Harold looked at each other again. Gwen bit her lip before turning back to her. "Come on, cheer up. I bet he'll find some way to make all this up to you."

"_Hmph._ I don't see how."

* * *

"Presents!"

Duncan dumped the contents of his shopping bag on the table; an assortment of wrapped boxes fell out.

"Dude, where did you get all that?" Cody asked, glancing up from his work.

"Spent the whole day shopping. Incidentally, if Leshawna and I have kids, they can't go to university now." He sighed. "I just hope it'll be enough to calm her down."

"Do you really think Leshawna's the kind of shallow, materialistic person that you can just buy off with _things?_" Jasmine asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

"I got her a diamond ring."

"For real?!"

"Well…it looks close enough to a diamond. EZEKIEL!"

"What?!"

"How's that stupid chicken coming?!"

"Lemme see…"

In the kitchen, Ezekiel bent down and opened the oven door, taking in a deep whiff. He let out a shuddering sigh, a smile spreading across his face. Izzy bent down beside him, sniffing. "_Oh…_that smells good, Zeke! Can we eat now?!"

"Izzy, it's not cooked yet."

"Do we really have to cook it? I've eaten chicken raw before, remember?"

"Yes, dear. And I'm sure my parents doo too, eh," he said, closing the oven door.

"Oh, I don't know what the big deal about that was anyway. _I'm _still disappointed it didn't get up and run around like it was supposed to."

Ezekiel chuckled and stuck his head out of the kitchen. "The chicken is _just _aboot done. Hoopefully I'll have it all ready too carve by the time Leshawna gets here."

"Great." Duncan looked at his watch. "Okay, I gotta run out real quick---there's one more present of Leshawna's I have to pick up from the store. You all stay here and _keep working,_ got it?"

"Yessir!" Izzy said, saluting again.

Duncan turned and stormed out of the apartment. As soon as he was done, Izzy resumed a normal pose and leaned towards her husband. "Man. He's kinda _crazy_ today, isn't he?"

* * *

"Okay…I think I…just about…_got it!_" Cody said, as one small final shock ran through him. "_Agh!_"

"You okay?" Jasmine asked.

"No," Cody wheezed. But then he grinned, holding up the CD player. "But I'm done, though! Now all we need is some music." He climbed off the couch, looking around. "Any idea where Duncan and Leshawna keep their CDs?"

"I saw a whole bunch in their room while I was searching the place for sex tapes," Izzy said offhandedly, looking up from the over-inflated balloon she was trying to explode with her breath (the remains of dozen others already littering the floor)

Jasmine stood. "I'll help you pick some out. I know all of Shawnie's favorite tunes."

"Sweet."

* * *

Ezekiel took another big whiff of the chicken, smiled, then checked his watch as he closed the oven door. Almost six o'clock. This was going fine, then. Gwen and Harold were going to be there with Leshawna soon, the dinner would be ready in a few minutes...everything was on schedule.

Ezekiel stretched, smiling to himself. Then, checking his watch again, he left the kitchen and went to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

Ezekiel stood by the sink, washing his hands and humming softly to himself, as the shower curtain slowly slid open.

_Creeeeak…_

Ezekiel, now blinking at his reflection in the mirror and fingering the bit of stubble on the end of his chin, didn't notice the slight sound, or the soft pad of bare feet on the linoleum floor.

"Heh-heh-heh…"

The beast crouched down, licking its lips. Ezekiel turned away from the mirror, then suddenly jumped as he saw the creature out of the corner of his eye. The beast, its mouth splitting into a grin, suddenly leaped with a dramatic war cry, tackling its prey to the ground---

"_RAAAGGGHHH!_"

"_Agh!_"

_BANG!_

"Ha ha! _Victory!_"

"_Izzy! What are yoo dooing, eh?!_"

"Sneakin' up on you."

"Why?!"

"'Cause."

"''Cause?' Ugh---" Ezekiel forced himself into a sitting position, which was rather difficult with his wife still sitting on his chest. "I---what are yoo dooing hiding in the bathroom anyway?"

"_Well…_" Izzy grinned again, playfully fingering a strand of hair poking out from under Ezekiel's hat. "I was just thinking…wouldn't it be _really sweet_ if we…"

She bent down and whispered something in Ezekiel's ear. As she did, his eyes slowly widened, his face growing even paler than usual.

"…In Duncan and Leshawna's bathroom?"

"Yeah-huh."

"Why?!"

"Because it's _there._"

"_Noo!_"

"_Ugh!_ But why not?"

"Because that's---_noo!_ And besides---we just _did that _befoore we _got_ here," he muttered, speaking out of one side of his mouth and looking around wildly as though expected _another_ insane maniac to be hiding somewhere in the bathroom, eavesdropping on them.

"Well, _yeah,_ I know _that,_" Izzy said, now playing with her husband's ear, "But I was thinking, and I just realized---we've never had sex in Duncan and Leshawna's bathroom before! Can you believe it? And so I thought, since we don't really visit them all that often, we really should carpe diem while we still have the chance, right?"

"_Noo!_"

"Come on! _Please?_"

"For goodness' sake, woman! Yoo've already got me too doo it in a shoo'er befoore, just hoo kinky are yoo gonna get?! Noo get off me!"

Scowling, Izzy slid off her husband, who climbed to his feet, shaking his head. "Come on. We gotta get back anyway, the dinner's almost done and---"

He turned the doorknob; it didn't open. Ezekiel frowned, checked that the door wasn't locked, then turned it again. He pushed the door harder. He pushed the door with his shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

"The door woon't oopen!"

"Huh? It won't oopen---er, open?"

"I'm turning it and it just woon't oopen!"

"Let me help."

The two both slammed themselves against the door several times, but to no avail. Finally Ezekiel just started slamming his his hand against the door. "_Coody! Jasmine!_ _Soomeboody help us, eh!_"

There was no answer. He dropped his arms, defeated. "Noow what doo we doo?!"

Izzy grinned, wrapping her arms around him. "Well, we _could---_"

"_IZZY THIS IS NOOT THE TIME!_"

"Okay, okay, sorry! Lighten up, _jeez…_"

* * *

When Duncan arrived back at the apartment, his arms filled with the gigantic package he had bought for Leshawna, the first thing he noticed was that, no matter how much he kicked the door for someone to let him in, there was no answer.

That was not a good sign.

When he finally got the door open to hear his smoke detector blaring, his vision completely obscured by thick gray-and-black fumes, he _knew _something was wrong.

"What the hell---?!"

Duncan threw down the box (ignoring the something-just-broke-sound it made) and ran into the smoke, coughing as he stumbled into the kitchen. The oven, though closed, was billowing smoke. Throwing open the door, he released a massive cloud of dark fog that, when it cleared, revealed a shriveled-up black pile of near-ash sitting in the middle of a pan.

"_Crap! _Where the hell is Ezekiel?!"

_BANG BANG BANG!_ "Is soomeboody there?! Help us, eh!"

"Help!"

"Oh great…"

Duncan ran out into the hallway and threw open the bathroom door---Ezekiel and Izzy stumbled out, coughing in the smoky air.

"What the hell, man?! What were you two doing in there?!"

"Just gooing to the bathroom, eh!"

"With Izzy?!"

"Oh, that was my fault," she said calmly. "You see, I was thinking that we don't come over to your house very often, so I was trying to proposition Zekey here into sexual congress when---"

"Izzy, please stop, eh!"

"Ugh---why didn't someone let you guys out?! Where are Cody and Jasmine?!"

"I doon't know, eh! Last I saw them they went too goo get some music!"

"Damn it---!"

Duncan ran to the bedroom with the others in tow. He quickly threw open the door and---

"_AGH!_"

"_AGH!_"

"_AGH!_"

Duncan turned away, gagging. Ezekiel's eyes turned into saucers for a moment before he threw his hands over them, his face turning bright red.

Izzy walked up behind them calmly, eyes widening momentarily as she looked into the room. Then she suddenly turned and hit Ezekiel on the side of the head. He jumped and let out a startled cry.

"Oh, so _they_ get to have sex in Duncan and Leshawna's apartment, but _we_ don't?! _LAME!_"

* * *

**JoeMerl: **...Really, it's odd how much sex winds up in my stories given how much a prude I am in real life. Also, giving credit where credit is due: this chapter's ending was almost certainly inspired by one of Nikki-kun05's stories (whose jokes I seem to steal fairly often). Jasmine's ex-boyfriend, "Leroy," was meant to be a reference to Imagi's "23 Presents." Oh, and...Teletoon owns the characters and all that.

I hope you enjoyed this---the last chapter's not totally done yet, but I'll try to have it up soon. In the meantime, please review while I go and finish a story for another fandom that's due tomorrow. 8-o


	3. Fire and Fluffy Endings

**A/N: **Okay, I had my final exam today, and whether I failed it or not, I'm free, so YAY! So, with end of the semester, end of the month, etc., I've decided to end this story. Hope you enjoy the (rather long) last chapter!

* * *

"I---cannot---_BELIEVE _you two!"

"Me neither! If you were gonna go and ruin the whole night by having sex, you could have at _least_ invited me and Zeke to---"

"IZZY!"

"What?!"

"Yoo knoo, this just prooves what I've always said," Ezekiel muttered, poking at his destroyed dinner with a barbecue fork. "Premarital sex is a bad idea! It's wrong, it's sinfool, and you knoo what comes from it?"

"Burnt chicken?"

"Exactly!"

"Zeke's right," Izzy said, wagging her finger at Cody and Jasmine, who were standing awkwardly amidst the ruined scene. "You guys shouldn't have gone off and postponed working on the party for sex. You should have been like me and Zeke, and had sex _before_ you came here and _then---_"

"Izzy, STOOP talking RIGHT NOO!"

"Hey!" Izzy snapped. "_Don't_ you take that tone with me, Mister Man!" Then she suddenly grinned, wrapping her arms around him. "I mean, come on...you _know_ what it does to me."

Duncan snarled at her, while Ezekiel just covered his face and the others looked sheepishly away. Cody gave a lopsided grin, though. "Heh. Must be tough for you with that one around, eh Zeke?"

"Oh yes!" Duncan cried, throwing up his hands. "Let's all feel sorry for _Ezekiel, _with his hot nymphomaniac wife constantly throwing herself at him. I mean, really man, I don't see _how_ you manage! _Grrr!_"

Duncan was shoving all his and Leshawna bed sheets violently into the wash, pouring in half a bottle of laundry soap straight from the bottle.

"This is perfect. Perfect!" he screamed, slamming the bottle back down without even putting the top back on. "Thanks to you two, the food is ruined, the decorations aren't done, Leshawna is gonna be back in fifteen minutes, and worse of all, I have _Cody-sex_ all over my _sheets!_"

"You know, we didn't actually have sex," Cody said. Then, speaking bitterly out of the corner of his mouth, "Though we would have if you'd given us five more minutes..."

Ezekiel, still wrapped in Izzy's arms, blinked. "Five minutes?" Cody opened his mouth, felt his face burn, then looked quickly away.

"Hey, you know, we said we were sorry," Jasmine said, crossing her arms.

"Well, what were you two _thinking?! _No, really! What the _hell_ was going through your heads that made you decide to jump into _MY _bed together when you were _supposed_ to be helping me make this stupid surprise party work?!"

Jasmine shrugged awkwardly. "He's famous and cute."

"She's hot and thinks I'm cute."

"Gah---Zeke! How's the chicken?!"

Pulling away from his wife, Ezekiel poked the meal again; several black flakes fell off. "Not good, eh."

Ezekiel groaned. "Can you salvage any of it?! Even enough for one plate?!"

"...Maybe."

"Then do it! You three! The ones who are trying to destroy my marriage!"

"Yeah?" Izzy said casually, while Cody and Jasmine shared looks of annoyance.

"Get to work! Decorate! Blow up balloons! And I don't mean 'blow up' as in _explode,_ Izzy!"

"Aw, man."

Duncan sighed, then looked at his watch again. "Oh…and where are Tyler and Bridgette?!"

The door opened. "Here we are, man!"

"Jeez, what happened in _here?_"

"Ooh, ooh! Zeke and I got locked in a bathroom, and then Cody and Jasmine had sex!"

"_What?!_"

"Never mind that! Did you get everything?!"

"I think so," Bridgette said, as she and Tyler set the bags down on the kitchen table. "We got chips, tortillas, dip, salsa, little hot dog things---"

"Little _tofu_ hot dog things," Tyler muttered, sticking out his tongue.

"Oh, be quiet---um, we also got some carrot sticks in case anybody wants something healthy, some---"

"What about the cake?"

"Huh?"

"The cake."

Bridgette froze in the act of unpacking the groceries. Tyler looked startled.

"…We were supposed to get that, dude?"

"_YES YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THAT!_"

"You didn't tell us that!"

"I said 'get the snacks for the party!' Cake is a snack!"

"No it's not, man! Cake is, like, the main course! We thought _you_ were getting the cake!"

"Oh, you have got to be freakin' kidding me!"

"Well, whudda we do?!"

"Go out and get a cake!"

"Now?!"

"_NOW!_"

"But where---?"

"_ANYWHERE! _Just hurry!"

"Agh---"

Tyler spun around, slammed his knee into a table and then hopped out of the apartment, holding his leg. Duncan let out a scream and grabbed his head in his hands, collapsing into another chair.

"Okay, Duncan? Calm down," Bridgette said, holding up her hands.

"_No!_ Everything is a disaster! Leshawna's whole birthday is going to be ruined, and all because everybody---"

"Everybody?" Jasmine interrupted, glaring. "Excuse me, but I think you mean '_you._' Shawnie's birthday was ruined when _you_ forgot about it. And _that's_ not any of _our_ faults."

"_You had sex with Cody in my bed!_"

"Which wouldn't have been a problem if you had remembered Leshawna's birthday in the first place!"

"I---it---you---"

Duncan sighed, putting his head in his hands. "You're right," he grumbled. "You're totally right…well, except for the 'you and Cody having sex in my bed wouldn't have been a problem' part, that's unforgivable. But _uh…_Leshawna's gonna kill me!" he moaned, head falling onto the table in despair.

"No she won't!" Izzy said brightly. "We can fix all this! All we have to do is stall for time. Now quick!" she said, suddenly pushing him off the chair. "You go and call Gwen and Harold, get them to stall for time! I promise you, fifteen minutes, we'll be ready to _get this party started!_"

"Are you kidding?! There's no way we can---"

"You dare doubt my powers?! GO! CALL NOW!"

"Alright, alright, jeez…"

* * *

"I want to thank you guys for this again. It really _did _help to cheer me up a little."

"No problem," Harold said, smiling at her in the rear view mirror. "Do you want us to drop you off to get your car?"

"Eh, we're closer to home anyway. I'll just take Duncan's car if I decide to storm out."

"Good thinking," Gwen said with a grin.

Harold's cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Harold, it's me."

"Oh hey Dun---uh---" Gwen stared at him in wide-eyed horror; Harold stuttered for a moment, trying to correct himself. "Duh---duh---Dylan, Dylan! It's my brother Dylan," he added quickly, when Leshawna raised an eyebrow at him. "Hey, Dylan! How are Nancy and the kids?"

"Okay, listen. Things here are going badly."

"Oh, really?"

"What's the matter?" Gwen asked.

"Uh, 'Nancy and the kids' aren't good."

"Uh-oh."

"Okay, listen, man. You and Gwen need to keep Leshawna away as long as possible."

"How?"

"I don't know---uh, get dinner or something! Zeke's meal didn't really work out well, so that's okay."

"But we already had dessert."

Leshawna raised an eyebrow again. "Why does your brother need to know what you've eaten?"

"He's, uh---inviting me and Gwen over for dinner." Then, back to Duncan, "Uh, I'll do the best I can, man."

"Okay, thanks. I gotta go, Izzy's probably already destroyed the house by now---"

_Click._ Harold made a face and stowed his cell phone away. Gwen looked at him and Harold gave her a grave look.

Leshawna sighed in the backseat. "Well, we're almost home to my loving husband," she muttered, slumping forward.

"Hey, you know what?" Gwen said. "Maybe we shouldn't head home quite yet. I mean---we don't have to be home yet, do we, Harold?"

"Well, the baby's at your mom's house for the night, so no, we don't have to go home."

"Yeah, okay, then. Um---hey Leshawna, wanna do something else? Something…else…y?"

"Huh? I thought you two were driving me home?"

Harold felt his face grow red. "Well, I mean, you know, um---"

"You don't want to go home yet, do you?" Gwen asked. "I mean, with Duncan…and the fighting and everything…"

"…Okay, what is the matter with you two?"

"Nothing! We just---we just want to help cheer you up, that's all."

"Mm-hmm." The crossed arms and narrowed eyes clued the two into the fact that Leshawna wasn't even _close_ to buying their act. "_Riiight. _But really, you two, you've done enough. I'd really just like to go home, please."

Gwen and Harold looked at each other. "Alright…" Gwen said slowly, silently praying that a.) they would hit a lot of red lights, and b.) Duncan would be able to hurry up and finish getting the party in shape.

Leshawna, meanwhile, leaned back in her seat, eyes still narrowed. _Let's see what that fool husband of mine has thrown together _this _time._

* * *

"Okay, Gwen and Harold are going to try to stall but we still have to oh my gosh what happened?!"

The entire room was decorated with streamers, balloons and banners, the tables covered with carefully placed bowls of snacks. Bridgette, Cody and Jasmine were just putting the finishing touches on everything while Izzy watched, arms crossed and a maniacally triumphant grin on her face.

Duncan walked up to her, flabbergasted. "What the---this place was a mess two minutes ago! How'd you guys get this all done so fast?"

"Well, Izzy's a great motivator," Bridgette said, casting Jasmine a nervous look as they finished hanging a banner.

"Uh…yeah," Jasmine agreed. Izzy just smiled wider. Duncan raised his eyebrow.

"What did she…you know what? I've spent enough time in jail, I don't want to know. HEY ZEKE! HOW'S THE FOOD COMING?!"

He poked his head out of the kitchen. "Terr'ble. I coodn't get anything out of that bird, eh. Soo, we had too goo too Plan B."

"Izzy suggested frozen pizza!"

"Which is a great use of my foor years in culinary school, eh," Ezekiel muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Well, while that cooks come out here and help me set the table, okay? That way we'll be all ready when Tyler gets here with the stupid cake."

"Ookay."

"What are we going to have to drink? Will there be _booooze?_" Izzy asked, as Ezekiel came out of the kitchen with a collection of plates.

Duncan chuckled. "Heh-heh-heh…_no._ Not for you, anyway. I remember what happened at our wedding."

Izzy scoffed, looking annoyed. "Oh, please, will you stop bringing that up? _I put the fires out!_"

"You made them worse!"

Izzy quirked an eyebrow. "_Worse?…_or _better?_"

Cody snickered. Bridgette and Jasmine gave him a look. "…What? I used to watch that show."

"Well, anyway, I'm gonna get _something_ to drink," Izzy said, waving her hands as she disappeared into the kitchen.

"Just doon't touch the food!" Ezekiel called.

"Yeah, yeah…"

* * *

Izzy grabbed a bottle of soda from the fridge and popped it open, swigging it all down in one chug. Once complete she leaned back and let out a mighty belch.

"_BUUUUUUURP!_"

"Nice one, Izzy!" Cody called from the living room.

"Thanks!"

She deposited the bottle in the trash and started to walk back. But as she passed the stove she paused, quirking an eyebrow.

The frozen pizza was in the oven, baking at 200 degrees Celsius. That couldn't be right, could it? Izzy always cooked them MUCH higher than that.

The box was still on the counter; Izzy picked it up and read the instructions. No, Zeke had gotten it right, it said to bake at 200 degrees for half an hour. But that didn't seem right, especially since Leshawna and the others were going to be back so soon. What if the pizza wasn't done by then? It would be a disaster! They'd have to wait, and that would just ruin everything, having to wait for food on your birthday, wouldn't it? Izzy couldn't allow that!

Izzy cranked up the oven temperature to maximum. "There we go," she said, cheerfully and with a decisive nod, before going back into the living room to help the others prepare.

* * *

_DING DING DING DING DING---_

"Ah, damn that _farkakte_ bell! Why did I ever install it---hello!" the baker said, emerging from the back room to find a panting, sweaty costumer leaning against the counter as if he were about to collapse. "What do you need, sir?"

"A cake! Need---cake---quick!"

"Alright, and what kind of cake do you need?"

"Uh---the best---you have, I guess."

"Alright." The man turned, looking among the assorted goods behind him. "Our top products cost about ninety, a hundred---"

"A HUNDRED DOLLARS?!"

"We are a high-class establishment, sir," the baker said, quirking an eyebrow and sounding annoyed.

Tyler sighed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of bills. "What---can sixteen bucks---get me?"

"Hmm…"

* * *

"_FIRE! FIRE, EH!_"

"_AGH! _What the---_NOT AGAIN!_"

Ezekiel grabbed the hose from the sink and tried to spray down the fiery oven, to no avail. Meanwhile, everyone in the living room went running towards the kitchen---including Bridgette, who tripped on a spare balloon lying on the floor, stumbled forward with her arms flailing and accidentally brought the _HAPPY BIRTHDAY!_ banner crashing down.

The others burst into the kitchen, eyes wide. "What do we do?!" Jasmine called, reeling back from the heat.

Cody pointed at the sink. "Grab a pot and fill it with water---or something!"

"Don't worry! Izzy will handle it!"

She leapt forward, pulling out a fire extinguisher---nobody quite knew where it came from---and sprayed it at the oven, sending white foam flying through the air.

Unfortunately, Izzy's aim wasn't very good.

"_Agh!_"

"DIE, WICKED FLAMES! DIE WITH DEATH, MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

"IZZY, STOP! _STOP!_"

She did (though possibly only because the fire extinguisher was out of foam) and blinked. The fire was out, but the entire room---the walls, the counters, the ceiling, the floor and the Ezekiel---were covered with fire extinguisher…stuff, barely visible through the fumes that still filled the room.

Duncan gaped at his ruined kitchen, mouth open and, the others thought, possibly close to tears. Izzy, however, put her hands on her hips and beamed. "See? Izzy _always_ puts the fires out in the end!"

It was about thirty seconds before anyone spoke again. Duncan's mouth was opening and closing, his body was shaking, and Cody, Jasmine and Ezekiel exchanged looks, wondering what was about to happen.

"_Izzy…_"

"Yeah-huh?"

"_I…am going…to _KILL---"

"DUNCAN!"

"_WHAT?!_"

"They're here! Gwen and Harold's car just pulled up outside!"

"_What?!_"

Everybody ran from the kitchen to the living room, where Bridgette was standing at the window in horror. Outside they could see Harold and Gwen, looking incredibly nervous, climb out of their car with Leshawna, who looked incredibly pissed. Duncan took several steps back, dazed.

"But they're---not supposed to---okay!" He took a deep breath. "It's okay. We still have the presents, and the room is decorated, and---wait, _what happened to this room?!_"

Bridgette looked nervous. "I…tripped? A…couple of times."

All the decorations were on the floor in a mess, except for one solitary streamer that still hung down, looking rather forlorn. Most of the snacks had been knocked onto the floor. Duncan made a little choking sound as Bridgette's cell phone rang. She answered it, watching him nervously.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe!"

"Tyler, where are you?"

"I'm coming down the street right now, I got a great cake and---"

"NO, STOP!"

"Huh?!"

"Don't come up! Leshawna and the others are already here, they'll see you!"

"But---what am I supposed to do?!"

"Uh…" Bridgette looked around wildly. Duncan was still standing there in a daze, head reeling. Ezekiel, Izzy and Jasmine just gaped, as Cody snapped his fingers. "The fire escape!"

"Yeah! Tyler, use the fire escape. I think it leads up into Duncan and Leshawna's bedroom."

"The fire escape?! But---"

"Just do it and hurry!" she snapped. "Oh, and love you, bye." She quickly hung up before he could respond.

"Quick! Everybody---try to fix things before they get up here!" Jasmine said desperately, grabbing a handful of streamers in her arms. "Cody, get the music playing!"

"On it!"

* * *

"Hey, here's a fun idea!" Harold said desperately, as Leshawna marched over to the elevators. "Let's take the stairs! That'll take longer---" Gwen elbowed him. "_Ow!_ Uh---be better for our heal---"

Leshawna ignored them and pressed the elevator button. The doors slid open. "Oh, goody. We don't even have to wait," she said dryly.

"Yeah…goody," Gwen muttered as she and Harold boarded.

* * *

"Get those streamers up!"

"There's no time!"

"Well, we need some decorations, I---_whooooaaaa---_"

"Oh, Bridgette, don't fall. don't fall---"

_CRASH!_

Duncan, standing frozen amidst the chaos, groaned. "Well...I never really liked that vase anyway..."

* * *

_Ding._

The elevator opened; without a word Leshawna marched down the hall.

"Whoa, Leshawna, wait up!"

"Yeah, _gawsh!_"

"Well, I'm just in a hurry to see what that bastard of a husband of mine has done _this _time!" Leshawna snapped, not slowing down. "Probably thinks he can just throw together some little surprise and that's all it's gonna take to make me happy! Well, he's got another thing coming _this_ time!"

Gwen and Harold looked at each other. Both were thinking the same thing.

If Duncan wanted to fix things with Leshawna, this party better had better be _awesome._

* * *

"Quick! Pick the chips up off the floor!"

"But it's been more than five seconds---"

"Screw the rule! Cody! You got that music playing yet?!"

"Just about, I---_AGH!_"

Despite being "fixed," as Cody pressed the PLAY button a massive jolt of electricity shot through him (again), so strong that he flew back and knocked into Bridgette as she came rushing past. She let out a cry as both Cody and the energy hit her, stumbling back and falling onto the ground right in front of the hallway.

"I'm here, I'm here!" Tyler cried, panting as he ran out of the bedroom with a bakery box in hand. "The cake's a little smashed but I---_oof!_"

Tyler stumbled and tripped over his girlfriend, and the cake went flying…

…right as the door flew open with Leshawna on the other side.

_**SPLAT!**_

Everybody froze.

The cake slowly slid down from Leshawna's face, then splattered to her feet on the floor. She stood there, chocolate all over her face, two round pieces of fruit around her eyes like an absurd pair of glasses.

Slowly, Leshawna reached up and peeled one off of her face, holding it out. "_What…_is this?"

Tyler smiled nervously. "Uh, pineapple slices! Y-you like pineapples, right?"

Leshawna growled while Duncan put his face in his hand and groaned.

* * *

"OUT! Everybody out! Move it, get!"

Leshawna herded her friends into the hallway. "Are you sure?" Bridgette asked as Leshawna shoved her away. "I mean, we could help you guys clean---"

"Just _get out!_"

_SLAM!_

Everyone stood outside the door for a second, frowning. Tyler kicked at the ground. "Sorry, dudes!"

"Happy birthday anyway, Shawnie!" Jasmine called. Then she sighed, turning away from the door. "Well, this night was a bust."

Cody nodded. "Yeah." Then he paused, looking away with a small smile on his face. "…So, would you be interested in coming back to my place?"

She gave him a look before a small smile appeared. "…May-be, Baby Boy."

They grinned at each other for a moment before walking down the hall together. Cody whipped out his cell phone. "Hey, Noah? How much would it cost for you to not be in the apartment tonight…?"

Izzy elbowed Ezekiel as they followed them down the hall. "_Pssst. _Zeke. Guess what those two are gonna do?"

"Izzy…"

"They're gonna have _sex!_ Hot, naked pre-marital sex! Hee-hee-hee-hee!"

"_Ugh…_I swear yoo were not this perverted when I married yoo, eh."

"Yeah, but that's before _we_ were having sex, wasn't it?"

"…Touché."

* * *

Finally left alone, Leshawna sat down at the table and sighed, her face in her hand. Duncan stood a few feet off, looking at the messy floor.

"Well, thanks a lot, Baby Boy," Leshawna grumbled, looking up to stare at the trashed apartment. "This sure was a great birthday you gave me right here."

"This was supposed to be a big surprise party," Duncan mumbled, kicking halfheartedly at a balloon as it drifted near his foot. "I wanted to have a big surprise for you, to…you know. Make up for this morning."

"Hmph. Great."

"Well, what? You can't blame a guy for trying."

"But you never try!" Leshawna said, turning around to face him. "Not until you've already messed up, anyway. Look at this place!" She waved a hand at the huge mess. "All the work you did in the last few hours just for---_this._ Don't you realize this could have all gone a lot smoother if, I don't know, you started on this party _before today?_"

"Hey! I---…and the others, I guess---worked our asses off here! I'm sorry it didn't turn out to your _high standards,_ but---"

Leshawna threw up her hands. "You don't get what I'm saying at all!"

"Well, would you please just _explain it, _then?! JEEZ!"

"I'm saying I don't want you to forget my birthday in the first place!" Leshawna cried. "I don't care about some damn party! Even if you _had_ managed to pull this off, I don't want some party you throw together at the last damn second just to apologize for screwin' up! I want you to _not screw up_ in the first place! You wouldn't have needed to do _anything_ to make me happy if you'd just remembered my birthday this morning!"

"Well, I'm sorry!" Duncan said, spreading out his hands. "I forgot!"

"You mean you don't _care!_"

"No, I mean I _forgot!_ Just this once, I'm sorry, it slipped my mind!"

"It _always_ slips your mind!"

"No it doesn't."

"Oh yeah?" She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow. "What's our wedding anniversary?"

"It's---uh---crap."

"Mm-hmm, that's what I thought. What about the first time we had sex?"

"Ah-HA!" Duncan said, pointing. "That one I know! It was July 13th!"

"_Does it even occur to you that the first time we had sex was _ON_ our wedding day?!_" Leshawna screamed, throwing her hands up in the air.

"…Oh yeah."

"See?! This is what I mean! You have no trouble remembering something if it's _important_ to you! You can't remember the day we got _married,_ but you can remember the day we had sex. You can't remember _my_ birthday, but you _always_ remember yours. You can recite your favorite movies from memory, but you don't even listen when I tell you to take the damn trash out every night! It's really nice to see where I stand with you!"

Leshawna suddenly turned away again, but as she spun around Duncan could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes. When she spoke again, it was slow and angry, through clenched teeth, but shaking.

"I'm just sick of this, Duncan. I'm sick of you always screwing up and then just doing something to try to make it up to me. I'd rather have a simple 'Happy Birthday' in the morning then a thousand fool parties you could whip up for me. But it always just seems that you want to put me off and put me off until you _have_ to deal with me. All I want is for you to give a damn, but you can't even do that."

"But I---uh---ee---_crap._"

Duncan's shoulders slumped while Leshawna sat with her arms crossed over her chest. It was a long minute before either of them broke the silence.

"Shawnie?"

"What?!"

"…I'm sorry."

"_Pffft._ Yeah. Sure."

"No, seriously. I---" He kicked awkwardly at the floor again. "I didn't mean to…to make you feel…unimportant or anything. There's gotta be some way to make it up to you. I'll---tomorrow! Tomorrow is your new, honorary birthday. I'll---I'll wish you 'Happy Birthday' and make you a big breakfast and---we'll invite everybody back over---to help clean up this mess," he muttered out of the side of his mouth.

Leshawna scoffed. "I'd rather you just remember the actual _date._"

"I'll do that too! On my honor." Leshawna turned to him and raised an eyebrow. Duncan shrugged. "Alright---and someone more honorable than my honor. Seriously. I'll prove it to you by this July, how about that?" He wriggled his unibrow playfully. "I mean, you _know _I won't forget our Sexiversary."

Leshawna snorted despite herself. Then she sighed, picking up the rag she had been using to clean her face. "_Damn _I must look a mess," she muttered. "I can already feel the rash from those damn pineapple pieces around my eyes---my work clothes are ruined, my makeup's all running, I feel like I still got chocolate all over my face---"

"Uh, yeah, you missed a few spots."

"Where?" Leshawna brought the towel up to her face as Duncan approached.

"Right---_here"_ He kissed her forehead "and _here"_ he kissed her cheek "and…_here…"_

He pressed his lips against hers; she scowled slightly, but then allowed it. The two were still kissing as Leshawna rose to her feet, and they kissed all the way down the hall to their bedroom before sitting down on the bed.

When they finally pulled apart, Leshawna was smiling slightly, which made Duncan grin. "Happy birthday, Leshawna."

"Hmph. Thanks, Baby Boy."

He lay her head on his shoulder, and he stroked her back for a moment, smiling.

"Uh, Baby Boy?"

"Yes, my special birthday girl?"

"Where are all our sheets?"

Duncan sighed. "...You don't want to know."

* * *

**Epilogue**

Duncan learned to remember special occasions, at least to an extent. Granted, he couldn't actually remember _what_ special occasions were coming up on _which_ days, but he developed the habit of remembering when _some _date of significance was coming up and preparing for it in advance. As a result, Leshawna not only got Duncan to buy her presents for her birthday, wedding anniversary and Valentine's Day, but also started getting them on days like Arbor Day, Duncan's parents' anniversary, the anniversary of when Duncan got out of juvie and even Courtney's birthday.

Meanwhile, Courtney's husband Trent forgot _her_ birthday that year and spent the next week sleeping on the couch.

Cody went back to his own apartment with Jasmine and paid his roommate, Noah, $100 so he could take his girlfriend Eva out for the night and leave the two of them alone. Unfortunately, Cody rushed him out so quickly that Noah didn't have time to grab his cell phone, keys or allergy medication, and Cody and Jasmine were too "distracted" to hear him banging on the door, screaming that he had accidentally eaten a cherry and needed his pills or he was going to *insert choking sound here.* Eva had to rush him to the hospital. She returned the next morning and finally got Cody to open the door, and then beat him mercilessly and made him pay for Noah's hospital bills.

Ezekiel, hearing about all this, used this as an opportunity to once again scold Cody on the moral issues of premarital sex. Unfortunately, this distracted him from his usual Izzy-watching duties, and during those five minutes he was distracted she caused approximately $10,000 worth of damages and attacked three men whom she claimed the "crazy Duncourt fangirls" had sent to spy on her. She then fled to Alaska and was missing for the next five weeks.

Tyler and Bridgette went home and made pasta for dinner. Unfortunately Tyler accidentally snuck up on Bridgette as she was cooking the noodles, causing her to spill the boiling water onto him. He spent the night sharing a hospital room with Noah.

Geoff and Lindsay wound up eloping to Vegas and got married by an Elvis impersonator before being captured by Neo-Nazi terrorists. Since neither of them actually appeared in this story, however, that's kind of a moot point, except that Izzy wound up rescuing them with a machine-gun wielding duck named Groucho, leading the American and Canadian governments to excuse most of her previous crimes.

* * *

**A/N:** Aaaaand that's the rather weird end. Next up I plan to finally start publishing that Ezekiel/Bridgette story of mine, plus deal with all those other stories I have going in various fandoms...oy. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed, especially you, Winter-Rae. Happy now-belated birthday again! And to everyone---please review!

(P.S.: Groucho the Duck is the property of the Kobold Necromancer and is used without permission. And everybody else is the property of Teletoons and is also used without permission. ...Is it odd that I care more about stealing the duck for one line than any of the others for the whole story? Hmm.)


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